There are many different things that can destroy a great relationship. Although cheating may be the first thing that comes to mind, experts say negative thinking or overthinking can ruin relationship easier than anything else. To maintain a healthy relationship, it is important to take notice of your unhealthy habits and behaviors such as negative thinking. Negative thought patterns are common in those with anxiety and depression and can cause major issues in a relationship.
It is common to have worries every now and then when you are in a relationship. However, negative thinking is patterns of thoughts such as, “Nothing ever works out for me,” “My ex cheated on me, so he will too,” or “we will just break up in the end anyways.”
It is important to find ways to turn negative thoughts into positive ones. If you go into every relationship thinking that your partner is going to leave you or be unfaithful, you are always expecting the worst outcome of your relationship. If you have negative thinking patterns in your relationship, here are some things you can do to prevent them:
- Let go of the past and live in the present: If you were hurt in past relationships, you may have difficulty forgetting about it and moving on. This is usually caused by trying to avoid getting hurt in a new relationship. If you are bringing up past relationship issues in the new relationship, then you are sabotaging it. It is easier said than done, but to move on you need to let go of any hurt you have experienced in the past.
- Find new ways to channel your energy: Negative thoughts can have a way of making you do irrational things such as looking through your partners phone or thinking you’re not good enough for your partner. If you are looking for validation and reassurance that your partner still cares constantly, it may be a good idea in finding other ways to channel these thoughts. If you feel yourself falling into these negative thought patterns, take some time for yourself. Direct your energy to a hobby, go for a walk, learn some breathing techniques, or read a book.
- Never make assumptions: Negative thought patterns will often come from the belief that we know what our partner is thinking. Never jump to conclusions. Instead, try to communicate with your partner for some clarification.
- Vent to one person: We all do it. When we are mad or upset, we vent to people. However, if you are venting to multiple people about how your significant other is making you feel, it can foster additional negativity, and make those around you feel differently about your partner. Instead, pick one trusted person to vent to when an issue arises.
- Make a list of negative thought patterns you are experiencing: A good exercise for you to do is make a list of all the negative thought patterns that you are having. Next to each negative thought pattern write something positive that can happen instead. For example, if your significant other is taking extra long to respond to your text and it’s making you uncomfortable write it down. Next to the negative thought, write all the possibilities of why they could be taking long to respond such as, they are busy, they are sleeping, etc.
- Remember that your partner is not perfect, and neither are you: We are all human. We all make mistakes and have imperfections. Not everything your partner does will be “right.” When you feel disappointed in your partner, it is a good idea not to think negatively about the relationship. Instead, communicate your needs to them and how they are making you feel.
- Do not take things too personally: Every relationship has its ups and downs, even the most successful ones. Conversations may feel painful at times. Use the ups and downs to your advantage and find lessons in them.
Healthy thinking can reduce anxiety and depression symptoms. Negative thoughts can increase worry and fear. If you practice healthy thinking every day, eventually it will become natural to you. However, healthy thinking alone may not be enough to reduce anxiety and depression. If thoughts become too overwhelming, it is important to reach out to a licensed anxiety therapist or depression therapist.
Harmony Bay Wellness in Laurel Springs, New Jersey offers a therapy treatment for anxiety and depression. Our licensed therapists or psychiatrist will create individualized treatment plans to help you feel confident in your relationship. Learn how you can control your anxiety and depression. Reach out to Harmony Bay Wellness for mental health treatment today. Contact our treatment specialists at 855.765.6399.
“Anxiety: Stop Negative Thoughts | Michigan Medicine.” Www.Uofmhealth.Org, www.uofmhealth.org/health-library/uf9897.
Nimmo, Karen. “How Negativity Wrecks Relationships (and How to Turn It Around).” Medium, 25 Mar. 2020, medium.com/on-the-couch/how-negativity-wrecks-relationships-and-how-to-turn-it-around-fd77d6d159d1. Accessed 14 Oct. 2020.